A New Perspective
One of the first “parenting” books I read was “No Bad Kids” by Janet Lansbury, in this book I found the most prolific phrase, “Your child is not GIVING you a hard time, Your child is HAVING a hard time.” I read this line multiple times, tears welling up in my eyes, as the lightbulb went off in my brain and my heart. To have this perspective of my child, was the beginning of changing how I wanted to parent.
I want you to think back to the last time you saw a child (or even an adult for that matter) having what is dubbed a tantrum? What was your first thought? Was your initial reaction, a feeling of anger? A feeling of sadness for the parent? A feeling of sadness for the child? Question what you are really seeing and apply the ideology this child is HAVING a hard time.
Big Emotions
Renaming Temper Tantrums to “Big Emotions” also begins to change how you perceive a child. Small children in particular have a hard time processing large emotions such as disappointment, sadness, anger, and confusion. When your little one throws themselves to the ground, they are not doing so to embarrass you. They are doing their best to control the big emotion reverberating through their little bodies. Look at your little one with compassion instead of anger. As a mama gator, it is not our job to control their emotions. Our job is to help them recognize what they are feeling, explore why they are feeling this way, and then how to help them communicate better the next time.
Come to your child’s level, verbalize you see/hear them having some big emotions, allow them to have this feeling. ” I can see you are upset about…”, No judgment. Let them know you are there if they need a hug, or a hand to hold, or sometimes they just want you to be near. Allow them to get the feeling out. Keep them safe, and make sure they understand you are there, you love them through all of it.
Raising Humans
Let them have their emotions. As a Mama gator, let them work through their emotions, as they calm, help identify the feeling, and depending on age, help them discuss how to work through it. How many adults do we know who are often slaves to their emotions? We are told so early in our lives not to cry, not to be angry, not to laugh too loud, why do we shame children for having emotions? How will they ever learn to self regulate if we don’t allow them the freedom to feel? We are raising humans, we are providing the training for them to be whole adults.
